so school has started and its going pretty well.

apart from spending 150$ on painting supplies alone

oh the joys of being an art major.

but i got a new job.

some clothing store at the mall..

its pretty exciting

ive been writing music alot still

im saving to buy some sort of music program

for your computer so you can record it and stuff.

cause i wanna.

mmmph.

homeworkkkkkkk

jesus jesus jesus

Im Ready.

thats been the theme this year for youth. its about being ready to just.. step out into a place where you're completely focused on God, ignoring your surroundings, ignoring the past hurts and regrets and fears and everything you keep bottled up, letting go of it all to grow stronger in your relationship with Christ. of saying IM READY to be the first to take that first step forward to the alter- if you dont, who will? you cant depend on other people to stand up and say something for God. you cant depend on others to take that first step. because what if someone else is waiting for YOU to take that step first, before they do? what if the only thing that God is waiting for, is for you to change?  what if it came down to it, and the salvation of a roomful of people completely depended on you to be the one to be at the alter first?

we're always praying for a revival within our generation, for a huge awakening to pour out into the souls of people.. but before that can happen, we need to change ourselves. if we're going to church talking about how badly other people need to get saved, how is that going to bring them to christ? the biggest reason so many people are adamant against going to church is because of all the hypocrits they see and how they say one thing, and then live a completely different lifestyle. im sick of people going to church, raising thier hands in worship, and then the next day smoking pot, having sex, doing things completely opposite than what they say.

im not saying anyone is perfect or without imperfection; im saying that so many times people settle for less than they should be aiming for. they get at a place with God where they're just like, "oh yeah, im okay, ive been praying, ive been reading my bible, im good for a few days." if there's one thing we should be praying for in our hearts, its that we're never satisfied with our relationship with Christ. we should never get to a place and be happy; we should NEVER want to be sustained in his prescence.

God has a purpose for every. single. person. a smile from across the room, a hug, a letter, an email, a quick chat on an elevator, a thank you to a cashier, simply saying "Jesus loves you,"... these things can change lives, you guys. when we have a revelation from Christ... it shouldn't be life changing. it should be life RE-ARRANGING. when we meet new people, they should immediately see a fire from within us shining for Jesus Christ. we have to be the light in the dark. we have to be the ones not afraid to step out from the crowd.

we have to be the ones to say, "Im ready. "

in christ,

Nina

hint of advice:

when hanging with friends at target,

dont play truth or dare.

you might get kicked out.

testimony time. :)

rewind back about 5 years or so.

i was around 13 or 14, in middle school. my entire life(then and now) ive been an army brat- so ive never lived in one place longer than 3 years. the shortest was 6 months, in Panama(the country, not florida). i was in texas then, and, basically...having a hard time- at school and at home. at school, i got teased because i was this chubby kid with little asian eyes(not to mention there was a dress code-khakis, collared shirts tucked in, the works-that helped aaloooottt). at home, my family basically ignored me because my sister was in high school and always getting in trouble; the only time they really talked to me was when they were angry, so i usually got alot of backlash. not to mention my parents... i dont know? treated me like i didnt matter. one time my mom had said, "out of all the kids in the world...why did i have to get the stupid one?" and my dad always gave me..these looks. like he wished i had never been born. looks of...disapointment. just stuff like that. emotional abuse, you could say. and i could never get away from it.

it got to the point where i cried myself to sleep every night, hated my family, hated school, hated myself most of all. so, i did the one thing i thought could make the pain go away: cutting.  i still dont know where i got it from. its not like i saw it on tv, or read it in a magazine. i just did it. technically, i never cut myself. more so along the lines of digging my fingernails into my arm as hard as possible, or sticking safety pins into my arms, etc. enough to the point where i still have scars all over my left arm to this day. and to this day, my family still doesnt know about the crying, and the self-inflicted pain, and all.  at school, rumors started going around(something entirely stupid) and somehow or another i basically lost the people i thought were my best friends. so i had no friends, my home life sucked, & i pretty much.. nothing to live for. i really cant convey how much pain i was going through... it was really bad. then i started thinking of ways to kill myself. oh jeez..how many things did i think of? cutting my wrists, taking a bottle of pills, drowning myself in the bathtub, stabbing myself...too many ways to remember. i'd lie in bed and think, "okay, tommorrows the day" for months on end.. but i never did it. 

i lived in texas for 2 years, and to this day i still say it was the worst 2 years in my entire life.

so i moved to japan, to a new country, to new people and new destinations. argh.. i was so angry at first. angry at this "God" who would give me such a life, at someone who supposedly cared, when all he did was throw it all back in my face just when things got good. lets just say i had a few conversations with him, using every bad word i could think of(considering i wasnt a christian, i think its random that i was praying to a god i didnt believe in in the first place). we moved into a house, and lets just say we got in plenty of fights, and i got in alot of trouble pretty frequently, just doing alot of dumb stuff... but anyways. so i went to school, and started hanging out with these wierd kids that, quite honestly, scared the crap outta me because they were so random and easygoing and all. a year passed, and they invited me to go to some camp called HiBA camp(pronounced HI BEEEE AAAYYYYEEE camp).honestly, i went because i wanted to meet guys, haha. i didnt know until i got there that it was a HARDCORE OMG GO JESUS GO! kinda camp. it was wierd for me, im not going to lie. i made fun of people when they were singing songs of worship, i didnt know what devotions were, and i fell asleep while praying. but by the 3rd night i was there, after listening to all the stories about this "super cool dude" named Jesus who could help make you happy in ways you couldnt imagine... & lets just say i was ready for a change. i started really paying attention during chapel, and really payed attention during prayer and devotion. it was mind numbing to think that... there was someone who loved me, someone who would always hold me up when i felt like i couldnt stand anymore. that someone died for me thousands of years ago before i was even born, just so i wouldnt go to hell for my sins. that if i just repented of my sins, believed that he really DID die on the cross for me, that i would go to heaven. that someone would always be there for me, and be...well, a Father to me.

a friend led me in my prayer of salvation on July 11th, 2002.

immediately after, i felt a change. i know it sounds crazy if you dont know what im talking about, but i promise, its like... a load has been lifted off of your shoulders and you just cant help feeling this huge rush of joy. i remember sitting at lunch, staring at the fireplace, and just being so HAPPY that it scared me, because i had never felt that way before, ever. and it was great. and i loved it. and...yeah.

im not going to lie and say that things are always SUPER DUPER GOOD, because they arent. for the past 5 years, ive been the only christian in a non-christian family. to be pointed out all the time for enjoying "church stuff", and having them point out your flaws- "you're not supposed to do that. you're a church girl now." well...its hard. i cant tell you how many times ive cried over the fact that i dont know how to reach out to my family and help them understand where im coming from...its not so great. but at least now... i know that when im having bad times, that God will be there for me and will let me know he has a purpose for everything ive gone through or WILL go through. for example?

i think he let me go through that rough time in texas to be able to reach out to others and let them know that there is a way out. to let them know that if i can make a complete turnaround, so can they. its hard. it was the hardest thing ive ever done. to this day, i still battle the urge to do the fingernail thing, or grad a safety pin or something...but something that helped me was something my best friend's mom said to her when she said she wanted to get her ears pierced again(totally random, haha): "your body is God's temple. dont defile it in any way thats not natural." now, i dont think she was talking about what i took it as, but ive remembered it anyways. so everytime i get angry, or frusterated, or... not so happy- i just remember that God wouldnt want his temple to be defiled by...me.  but yeah... going through that period...it made me a really strong person, honestly. people say im good to go to for advice...considering i used to run when people tried to offer me advice, i'd say thats a good change. but ive learned how to rely on myself, and my friends, and, most importantly, on God.

i was talking to a friend the other day, and he said, "you seem pretty happy today."

and you know what?

iam.